My Encounter With Depression

I have always heard that motherhood is the best blessing a woman can have. I always loved watching mothers cuddling their babies. When I conceived after marriage we were very excited and eagerly waited for “Due Date”. I had gone through various books and blogs about how a child brings about happiness in life. I was ready to feel that.
Soon the day arrived and I had a little angel in my arms after a C-section. Her first glance made me the happiest person in the world. I carried my baby home in my arms with a promise that I will be the best mom to this little angel.

My happiness soon turned into a painful journey. I have undergone a drastic mental and physical transformation. Surgery stitches restricted my movement and I had to seek help even for feeding my child. I was going through hyper lactation in which breasts keep on leaking milk even after the child is fed. All this led to discomfort, breast pain, severe engorgement, and painful milk letdowns. Further parenting got more difficult for me.
It was around 2 am when my child was crying excessively for no reason and I could not calm her down. I started to panic and couldn’t understand what to do. In the end, I also started crying loudly with her. Then my mother-in-law took her away and made her sleep.
“What kind of mother I am? I couldn’t even take my child to sleep.”
I started feeling that I couldn’t take care of my child and thought of myself as the world’s worst mother.
Besides that due to sleepless nights I remained tired throughout the day. I had big dark circles, baggy eyes, my body became weak, skin got dull and I began to lose confidence.

I couldn’t cope up with the new phase of life. This all made me irritating and I started fighting with my husband also. My husband was also confused about this new rude behavior of mine. He wanted to help but I wouldn’t listen to anyone at that time.
A lot of people came to visit me and my child but no one could understand what I was going through.

After a month passed away a friend of mine came to visit me. She also had a baby a few months back.
I cried my heart out to her and tell her “I think I am not a perfect mother.”
To this, she replied” Oh! You fool there is no concept of a perfect mother. You just follow your instinct with your child. Everything will be fine after some time.”
Her words worked as a soothing ointment to my depressed brain.

But how can I go into depression? I was always a strong-headed woman in both my professional and personal life. Various challenges have come across my path and I have faced them successfully. Then how come having a cute baby led me to the depression, although this should be the best phase of my life.

Then she told me about this term Post Partum Depression (PPD).
After that, I studied about PPD and found that I was not the only one to have such feelings. Most of the women go through this phase and came out of this.
Then I calmed myself down and decided to make a bond with my child. Gradually my pain moved away. I started to do little chores by myself. I massaged my baby myself, gave her a cozy bath and this all made a really good connection between me and my baby. My family also helped me a lot.
Finally, I got away from my depression and now I am a happy mother of a 5-year old cute princess.

What every new mother need is the utmost attention and care along with the child. This will not reduce all her stress but will definitely help her to cope up with the situation better.

8 thoughts on “My Encounter With Depression

  1. Women are almighty SHAKTI.. thank you for sharing your experience. It will give strength to everyone and I respect women even more.

  2. The great expression, circumstances teaches us how to tackle. Thank you for sharing such great expression. May god bless you, your baby and your family.

  3. Nicely written…. guidance and motivation for new moms and who are planning. Thanks shivani for this beautiful and inspiration blog.

  4. I have also been through this, You wrote those emotions exactly same and very beautifully.
    This will help new Moms to overcome all this known as PPD.

  5. Agree…n i think thats why a woman is taught to be calm since childhood , God can’t be everywhere thats why he created moms!!

    Nicely penned down

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